Using my Hands Instead of Sitting on Them
Dark days make me anxious, and when I'm anxious, the worst thing I can do is nothing at all.
This year has been full of creative explorations, experiments, and getting my hands dirty. Like ink under my fingernails dirty. Kind of gross, but okay.
I’ve been making little canvas paintings because they’re fun and it really forces me to think inside a literal box. I don’t have much space and must be selective and intentional about my choices and somehow that challenge is fun and exciting. I’ve been digging it.
For reasons I didn’t fully understand, I started to do a deep dive on what the symbol and meaning of the Evil Eye is and who, what, and where did the idea of the Evil Eye Protection symbols come from. I had always associated the symbol with the Greeks and Italians. But no, it’s a symbol that may date way back to 5000 BC in ancient Mesopotamia. The belief that you must deflect malevolent looks from others through the use of totems, trinkets, prayers and spells of protection isn’t limited to any culture. It is a practice that has been done for thousands of years all over the world.
Different people of different faiths on continents all over the globe have implemented some kind of protection practice to ward off the dreaded Evil Eye. And I for one, find that absolutely fascinating. Maybe right now, what feels like some of the worst of times calls for action in the form of protection and maybe that’s why I was drawn to researching and painting these.
I also got myself deep into a linocut printmaking hyperfixation rabbit hole and it appears I’m not climbing out any time soon. And I’m ok with that. I did take a wee break from all the inking and printing because life was lifing and my upper back and shoulders were really begging me to slow dowwwwnnnn. But this passion was reignited after decades of lying dormant in my artist’s soul.
The last time I carved a stamp was in high school, man. I took a printmaking class and we the students just kind of vibed out and I really enjoyed the process. It was challenging enough to make my brain tingle and grow but fun enough that I really didn’t mind the hard work. To me, that’s the perfect combination to stay hooked. What happened? Why didn’t I continue printing? Where’d I disappear to for 30 years?
Well, I hadn’t exactly dropped it altogether. I took up screenprinting again about 10-12 years ago and hand pressing my own coffee mug designs. The issue was once I began to wholesale my products I just couldn’t do all the printing of stationery, art prints, t shirts, tote bags, and coffee mugs on my own. It was too much for one human. I did the usual thing most folks do and sent my designs to be printed by a trusted manufacturer.
But being an indie brand selling on my website and wholesaling to small stores means working for myself. And when one works for themself, it’s basically a fact that business will always ebb and flow. As of late, business has been deep in the ebbing stage because, well, the economy is…oh hell, let’s be real: what economy?
I can’t sit and twiddle my thumbs, I’ve been itching to make things and put my heart and soul and literally all the muscles in the back into MAKING things. And if you haven’t heard, making and creating during dark times is an act of resistance. I resist the idea of doing nothing and taking what is a crappy time in history and in my income lying down. I must create and I must do something, even if it results in me sitting on piles of art that I don’t have room to store.
When I started my mini painting series, I felt this sense of fulfillment and accomplishment at seeing physical pieces of art I made with these paint and ink covered grubby hands. It’s like I was looking at something real and tangible as opposed to drawings in my sketchbook that were sadly confined between the covers. Even my stationery and stickers, and other products didn’t have the same feeling as these pieces did.
There’s magic in the making.
There’s soul in handmade pieces.
There’s energy transmuted and woven into whatever art we have created.
I felt like these pieces of art were alive and could almost sense they had a spark of spirit inside them. And I know that sounds woo-woo as all get out and feel free to roll your eyes at me. But if you’ve ever made anything, even a grilled cheese sandwich with one iota of love, you know what I’m getting at.
If you’d like to see the making of the latest paintings:
Once I started painting the small canvases or rolling the brayer over that thick sticky ink and listening for the “hissing” sound of it spreading to the right consistency, I was like Celine Dion and it was all coming back, all coming back to me now.
Maybe I can’t change the world or the laws or donate billions to worthy causes, but I can make things. I can make things with heart and soul and put some positive energy out there instead of doom scrolling and falling into a state of hopelessness and apathy. So I’m just gonna keep on going and keep on trucking and keep on making stuff. I’ll keep on resisting the urge to just do nothing and do something even if it means getting ink under my fingernails that’s almost impossible to get out.
I’d rather see the grimy evidence all over my hands instead of sitting on them.
I never believed I could part with original work. Even if it was a 4 x 4 inch painting. I thought after all the work and love I put into anything, I would be far too emotionally attached. But something interesting happened every time someone claimed a piece: I felt this sense of fulfillment and it felt like I was sending what I made to the exact place that it belonged. As if I made it with that person in mind in a way. It just felt really right. If any of these paintings or linocut prints are calling to you, there are still some up for adoption looking for happy forever homes! And a few of these pieces are being sold as fundraisers with half the profits going to either Doctors Without Borders or Greater Good Charities.
How are you doing and creating in these weird times? Do you feel more motivated to make or kind of paralyzed with overwhelm? There is no right answer. But I’m curious to see how you’re doing out there in this mad, mad world.